I feel guilty most of the time. Someone smart once told me that only good people feel guilty, so at least I have that. The stupidest part of the whole guilt thing is how I feel guilty if I do something… and guilty if I don’t. Oxymoron, much? Or maybe just moronic.
I think my lesson here is to CHILL THE EFF OUT.
1. Sending my kid to creche twice a week.
He gets so much out of it. Socialising, how to deal with other adults telling him what to do, more interesting activities than I do at home… at yet, I still feel enormous guilt about it. Mainly because he still gets upset on creche mornings, despite being fine five minutes after he settles in. I’m sure it’s harder for me than it is for him. Dude likes to make his mum suffer.
2. Looking at my phone in front of the kids.
This is probably my biggest issue. Less mindful parental attention means more demanding kids means more rebellious teenagers means more drugs on the street means we’re all going to die. I HATE how much I use my phone, and even downloaded an app (Moment) which tracks how long I am on my phone everyday. I am constantly checking emails, the weather, how many steps I’ve taken, the weather, my emails, Instagram, how long it will take us to walk to the zoo, my emails… so freaking boring. The app sends me a popup when I’ve been on it too much, which is making a big difference. But still. There is work to be done here, friends.
3. Not running.
Okay, I actually don’t feel that guilty about this. I started the Couch to 5k running program and LOVED it for the first three weeks… then winter came, I got cold and wussy and tired, and um, couch-bound. The only time of the day I can run is 6am, before Lee leaves for work at 7am, and DUDE, as if me running at 6am was ever going to be sustainable. Also, I think I actually hate running. So for now, I am enjoying my soft, squishy mumbod and will start again when the weather is less frigid.
4. Eating sh*t
I’m looking at you, Baker’s Delight Custard Scrolls. Also, leftover birthday cake/s, hunks of camembert, and seventy zillion cups of tea with sugar a day. I only drink tea with sugar when I’m home alone (by home alone, obviously I mean with the kids here too. I dream of the day I am actually in this home ALONE.) because I am a sneaky motherfucker and if a tree falls and no one hears it, does it make a sound? If I have sugar in my tea on my own, is it really unhealthy? Is it? IS IT?
Do you feel guilty about stuff? But obviously not guilty enough to actually do much about it? For the love of god, tell me I am normal.