Poor-to-average mothering.

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Honestly, how has he survived this long?

So I think overall I am a pretty awesome mum. Archie is happy, healthy, stimulated and loved; I am sane and reasonably well-adjusted; I still manage to get dressed most days and sometimes I even wear lipstick. Ticking the boxes.

However. There are some days when I am a poor-to-average mother. I just can’t get it together, can’t think of any fun activities, the house is a mess, we have no food, etc etc. So in the spirit of full disclosure, here are some things that I have done that probably won’t be winning me Mother of the Year.

Eating non-food. Babies like to put everything in their mouths. Obviously I would like the majority of the things that Archie eats to be food, but alas, there are a few things that get passed my eagle (more like blind as a bat) eyes into his sloppy chops. These include: bird poo, a dead fly, a thumbtack (yes, I know, I nearly crapped myself), a big hunk of dirt, rocks, grass, food off the floor under his high chair, handfuls of cat hair and a rotten tomato.

Cutting nails. Cutting his nails scares the crap outta me. It is literally like performing microsurgery on a tiny, wriggly, clammy octopus, while three other octopuses trying to grab the surgical equipment. So sometimes he grows claws that would rival Wolverine.

Forgetting to feed him. I can’t remember if I have written about this before, but a few weeks ago Archie was super grumpy and whiny for no apparent reason. I couldn’t figure out why he was making such a fuss about going down for his afternoon nap, before realising that I hadn’t actually given him lunch and he hadn’t eaten for seven hours. I am actually blushing from shame just writing this.

Exploiting the baby. Sometimes, when he is really sad and cranky, I take photos of him before picking him up. Because he pulls ridiculous faces when he is sad. And it is a bit funny.

Germs. I am pretty (extremely) relaxed about germs and cleanliness at the best of times, but you would think that having a tiny baby with a crap immune system would spur me into action with Purell and handwipes at the ready. Not so. This kid will either have the immune system of an ox, or get every gastro bug around due to his mother’s average hygiene standards.

The brushing of the non-existent teeth. Apparently you are supposed to clean babies gums daily with a facewasher even before they have teeth. I have done this once, about six weeks ago.

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